Thoughts from the Edge of 29

My schedule these days is pretty bizarre. Since I work with students, who obviously can’t work with me when they are in school, I get to do things like go to Thursday Morning Bible Study (henceforth to be referred to as TMBS) at my church. We are working our way through Exodus (with some forays into Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy), and it has been really really good for me.

Exodus is one of those books I know pretty well – conceptually. But I feel like I’m noticing so much I’d missed before.  Reading the same passage 5-7 times each week is helping me do more than just absorb information. I’m getting a feel for Moses’ style, appreciating how the story is being told, mulling over things that are confusing (which, interestingly, I am noticing more, now that I’m reading the same passages over and over again), and picking up on different things with each read. I think typically, when I’ve read, say, Jude, 4 times in 4 years, I have noticed more or less the same stuff each time. But with such intense focus over the course of several days, I am gleaning more and more.

In addition to being excited about connecting with Scripture in a deeper way, I’m fascinated by this shift. I went to seminary largely to learn the Bible better – which totally happened – and to learn to love it better – which also happened. I am learning so much now that I would have loved to learn several years ago. But I don’t think I would be able to see what I’m seeing now without those years – all 29 (plus nine months, I suppose) – of learning. Everything that I’ve learned is somehow incorporated into a foundation of understanding, which frees me to pay attention to things differently.

This feels bizarre because I’ve become more childlike, especially in the way I am engaging Scriptural texts. That’s weird on a number of levels – like how complex and involved and mature the thinking I’m doing is. But the weirdest part, experientially, springs from the fact that I was a very unchildlike child.

It wasn’t until senior year of high school that I stopped trying so hard to be older and more grown up, that I stopped being quite so serious, so die-hard, so ready to go to bat for just about anything. A few examples: When I was about 10, my fashion goal was to dress (convincingly) like a secretary. I stopped reading children’s books (except where required for school) at way too young an age, and missed greats like The Westing Game, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, and The Chronicles of Prydain. (I’ve been playing catch-up since I was 20.) I picked fights about philosophy with high school students when I was in 7th grade. (Ok, so that one has more to do with being obnoxious than grown up.) I was SERIOUS, y’all.

My dog was raised in a racing kennel. He was taught to run fast, go into his crate, and walk on a leash. But he wasn’t allowed to be a puppy; he didn’t learn how to play. Westley was injured in a racing mishap not long after he turned two, and when he came to live with me, I had to teach him to play. He’s still not stellar at it, but he does play every day. He has learned how to be silly and have fun. I think I can appreciate where he’s coming from, having lightened up significantly since my serious childhood. It’s probably one of the reasons we’ve connected so well.

Jesus talks a lot about being like little children when we come to the Father. I am trying to get better at it. Here’s hoping 29 looks a lot more like 10 than 10 did.

Well, in some ways at least.

Westley: An Update

It’s been about six and a half months since I brought Westley home. Despite a few rough patches in the beginning, we have made excellent progress, and are settled into something that decently approximates a schedule. He had a lot of trouble getting used to my dad, but they exist in affable companionship now. He has definitely decided that he likes the whole family, except maybe Brad. Brad is so short compared to the rest of us; I think Westley hasn’t figured out what species he is yet. Lately, when my mother and I are in the same room with him, and one of us gets up to go to another room, he experiences visible distress as he tries to figure out who he should stay with.

Westley’s a bit neurotic and definitely has more than a touch of OCD. His foster mom described him as routine-driven, which is a massive understatement when he’s a solo dog, as it turns out. He’s kind of emotionally needy. (That’s a massive understatement, too.) He is affectionate and demands affection from us, but can decide suddenly that he needs space. He is even more food driven than he was when I got him – he goes and stands in his crate about 30 times a day in hopes of getting a treat. He is silly sometimes, and these days plays at least once a day. (It took him weeks to figure out the whole playing thing.) He is shockingly obedient 90% of the time with commands he knows – “down,” “leave it,” and “sit” he totally owns. “Off” is the one he sometimes has trouble with. He seems to think “stay” is an interjection of indeterminate meaning.

I am most amused these days by Westley’s butter obsession. If you go to the fridge and pull out a box of strawberries, he’ll still be in the den lying on his bed. But the second he hears the butter tray cover move, he is THERE. He has, so far as we know, eaten about a stick and a half of butter since we got him – he once got a whole stick of it off the counter. He’s not nearly as bad a “counter-surfer” as he used to be, but he manages to swipe something or put those big front paws of his on the counter and inspect the “offerings” once a week or so.

Because he is so routine-oriented, it has taken awhile for him to learn some basic things like “Mommy always comes home eventually,” “Mommy always comes home eventually,” and “Mommy always comes home eventually.” Here are some other things he’s figured out.

• Uncle KJ goes and comes and comes and goes. He is my very favorite person who isn’t Mommy. Or Nana, sometimes. Or whoever has a treat.
• Nana is great to hang out with when Mommy is gone (and sometimes even when Mommy is not gone).
• Grandpa is pretty nice.
• Aunt Katie takes me on walks ALL THE TIME when I’m at her house.
• But she doesn’t like me running around when the baby is up.
• The baby is weird.
• Uncle David lives at Aunt Katie’s house. He is fun when we are outside. He is boring inside.
• I rather dislike being wet, but if I’m going to get a little muddy, I might as well get REALLY muddy all over.
• Getting a bath won’t cause me any permanent physical damage.
• Apple flavored treats are the best! OMG!

So, the dog and I haven’t turned into giant mushrooms….

I thought I’d drop in and say “Hi,” since it’s been awhile. The dog is doing really well – had a bit of a rough patch in the beginning, but we seem to have things under control thanks to some expert help. Westley is great fun and very reassuring to have around. He is the most patient dog I can think up that isn’t a stuffed animal. And he is so soft!

I have had some unpleasant set backs in my pain levels. For a few weeks I was seeing continuous progress – I started driving myself places and making it through days without napping. But then about a month ago I hit a rough patch that has lingered for about a month now and been very painful.

I’ve started physical therapy, but, holy cow, it is slow going.

So I’ve been doing this whole waiting/healing/recovering/pain thing for 10 months now, (more like 11 if you are counting the rather dreadfully painful June of 2012). It is tough work, waiting. It rubs against my desire to produce, to succeed, to progress. You know how everybody talks about “being” rather than “doing” in evangelical circles? Well, try being bedridden for 3 months and tell me that being without doing doesn’t suck.

Of course, unless you are a rock, it’s quite impossible to be without doing, and there is doing to be done in my life as it is. There is thankfulness to cultivate and express, a dog to feed and train, a bunch of books to read, sins to sort through, personal patterns to analyze, wrongs to confess. Most of these things don’t satisfy my desire to accomplish, but they are important, and I am trying to appreciate them for their worth and be faithful with the little bit I have before me.

I Own a Dog!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud and excited to announce that I finally have a pooch in residence! Westley came home today at 2:30, we showed him all around, and I signed the paperwork, and he’s all mine!!! He is so sweet. I love this dog.

It turns out Westley (fka “Ugo Faust”) was quite the runner. He won 9 races, including the one before the race in which he broke his leg. He was very fast, but when a racing greyhound gets injured, there are two currently practiced options: giving him up for adoption or putting him down. Thankfully, he was given to an organization called GALT (Greyhound Adoption League of Texas) instead of him getting a shot. GALT is a greyhound rescue and adoption group, but they are unique for three reasons: they take all greyhounds and greyhound mixes, they do whatever they must to get the dog in the best physical shape possible, and they put their dogs in foster care before they adopt them out. This means their dogs are highly adoptable: they have started figuring out what house living is like, their injuries are dealt with using the best veterinary care available, and they are living a retired lifestyle.

Greyhounds are very mellowed and laid-back, especially this one. They sleep a lot, but only require a 10-20 minute walk per day. They are snuggly, and love to be near their human friends. They are amiable and patient. Former racers have been taught very good leash manners, so they rarely pull on the leash on a walk. Their noses drip when they are anxious, and Westley seems to be relaxing, so his nose is going back to normal dog wetness. I am so happy, and he is quickly getting the hang of things.

 

So, Guess What!?!

Random facts that are new and exciting:

• I have been feeling better! Better means I helped quite a bit making dinner by doing some actually labor-intensive work. Better means I managed to make it to church a couple of weeks ago, and have good reason to expect that I will again tomorrow. Better means I should be able to go see my students from last year play basketball sometime soon. Better means Advil actually makes enough of a difference that I could venture out to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday with my brother before he went back to college. Better means I often – maybe even usually? – walk around like a normal person. (In case you’re curious, I’ll tell you I have been typically walking around slowly, bent over, using my hands to put pressure on the most painful parts of my abdomen du jour.)
• That fancy surgery out in California is finally on the planner in ink: January 31st! I am so excited!!! We’ll have a little bit of time to do sightseeing before the surgery, between pre-op appointments, so that will be fun. I’ve never been to California, but several regions in Cali are very high on my must-visit list. I doubt we’ll really get to see San Francisco (which is my #1), but we’ll get to explore farther south – San Jose and Silicon Valley mostly. I’m super-excited about the Winchester Mystery House – if I am only up for seeing one thing, I want it to be that. The surgery will take place near Palo Alto (read: Stanford), but the doctor’s actual office is in Los Gatos. So we’ll be kinda all over the place.
• When I get back from surgery in California, I am getting a greyhound! His name is currently Faust, but we are so not sticking with a name with such notorious connections. (Not a fan of selling-souls-to-the-devil.) So I am changing his name to Westley. He is incredibly mellow, and when he met my nephew Brad, was soooooo patient with him. (Obviously, Brad does not know what “Don’t pull his ears” means – not that I’m planning to let that happen again.) He loves to just be near his “person,” so he’ll be a great companion for surgery recovery – and full recovery from this whole mess. Plus, I just like a dog who wants to hang out with you, who wants to snuggle or even just sit near you. He is smart and very food-driven, so it will be quite easy to train him, although he already knows a thing or two about a thing or two.
• I am about to get a Tempurpedic mattress set!!! The mattress I’ve had for the last 5.5 years started to be uncomfortable last year, and in the last 8 months or so has become painful, bruising my hips and knees because of inadequate pressure support. I swapped beds with my sister’s old room, and it’s better, but I’m still bruising. So, new bed! One that will support me quite enough. I am rather jazzed. I think Westley will like it too – I anticipate he will be sleeping with me. (We got a killer deal on this thing, which is always tremendously helpful.)
• This post by my friend Missy whose family is adopting a little girl from Ethiopia made me reexamine my expectations. It’s really easy to look at the people and not the land. I thought I’d share, since that sort of thing is good for humans – the reexamining of expectations, I mean. (Although adoption is also good for humans.)