Hitting “Save Draft”

I have been mulling over a blog post for the last week or so. I talked it through a couple of times. I sat down to write it last night. 

It was terrible. 

I think the main problem was probably everything. The basic thesis wouldn’t fit into a sentence unless I cheated and used about 20 semicolons. The post was rambly and long and the tone was all wrong. 

Once, in my freshman seminar at Wake Forest, I wrote a paper based on a rather wild theory about The Turn of the Screw. I looked at a lot of literary criticism, and no one had put forward the theory I was working on. I knew it was a little on the atypical side of things, but I was surprised to find that I was the first person to come up with it.  I talked it over with my professor, and she thought it sounded interesting. 

“Interesting” can be a very versatile word. 

The night before the paper was due, somewhere around the actual writing of point two, I found something in the text that undermined my entire theory. Okay, so actually, it blew it to pieces.

It was about 11 pm. I decided to just finish the paper. Deadlines and all that. 

Thankfully, I haven’t had a moment like that since. But sometimes, I wish I had realized I was wrong, or not making sense, or unwise in something that I said or wrote before I couldn’t take it back. So, over the years, I have gotten quieter and quieter. (I know some of you are thinking, “Holy hand grenades, Batman, this is what she’s like QUIET?” And all I can say is, I’m afraid so, my friends.) I have held my tongue – or pen – or laptop keys. Oh, I still put my foot in my mouth. I still talk when I should shut up. I still have to apologize because I’m still saying wrong things, or saying things unkindly or inappropriately, or just flat out saying things  badly. But now sometimes I keep quiet when I should have spoken. And for a loud person, I think perhaps it’s progress that I fall off the horse on the quiet side occasionally. You know, instead of burying my feet in the loud side. Of the ground, not the horse. I mean, burying my feet in the ground, not the horse, but on the loud side of the horse. 

What horse? Never mind. 

Point is, last night when I finished that blog post, I hit “save draft” instead of publish post. And I fell asleep thinking about how glad I was that I didn’t hit “publish post.” 

The “save draft” is a good button. Thanks, WordPress. 


One Comment to “Hitting “Save Draft””

  1. Good call, Lauren. As a co-recovering loud person (and we’ve seen done of each of the other’s recovery in real time!), this truly is a start of wisdom. Keep on writing the good write!

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